I had originally planned a bunch of post-arrival updates, each arbitrary milestone gradually falling away missed: one at 100 days, four months, the next at six months, then 200 days went by. More than eight months later, still nothing.

During the nine months we endured the process to bring Lena home, I followed the blogs of many other families whose children arrived in succession and frequently kidded them about their complete silence on their blogs for many months afterward. Every second they spent up to the second and final trip home was thoroughly chronicled, and then — *poof* — nothing. I swore that I would be different, that I would manage to juggle everything and still keep everyone up-to-date.

During our go-time, I penned over 90 blog entries about the adoption process. Now that I’m sitting here for the umpteenth time, I am still struggling with how to sum up what is now the past 256 days. The longer I wait, the worse it gets, so here I sit until I can spit something out…

At a young age Lena suffered much, most obviously the loss of parents. She had the misfortune of discovering her own mother dead at home at age 12, and had to run to her father’s work to tell him the news, “I think Mom has died!”. He never recovered emotionally, resorting to even heavier drinking (both parents already drank a lot) which rendered him incapable of proper parenting, and ultimately was forced by Lena’s maternal grandmother to rescind his parental rights. We learned through her stories that due to an appalling public healthcare system, Lena frequently had to scrub maggots out of her late paternal grandmother’s legs (this might help explain Lena’s frequent near-obsessive cleaning of her bedroom). In a country where common medicines are scarce, most accepted medical remedies involve eating bulb onions or garlic; even after taking residence at the orphanage and subsequently becoming ill, she was required to consume nothing but whole raw onions for two days to “kill the microbes”.

First day of middle school (August 10)

Despite that and more, Lena has almost none of the emotional baggage and trauma that many other older adopted children face. We met her only five months after she had been placed into the orphanage so she never had the time to develop a sense of abandonment or the inability to bond. In her own words, Lena is one of the fortunate few girls that have not been sexually abused or mistreated; she sadly confirmed my previously unvoiced suspicions regarding a few of the paradoxically friendly but hollow and withdrawn girls I had met at the orphanage. While she often reminisces apparently fondly about having the freedom to hang out in playgrounds with a bunch of other kids until after 10pm, she is also acutely aware of the dangers — one of her teenage girl friends from her Mariupol tenement went out to play late at night, and was never seen again. While Lena is now 15 years old (my, how time flies!) she happily retires around 8:30/9:00, around the same time Sterling goes to bed. The other night when Kim yelled out “Bed time!”, Lena responded with “Yes, Mom!” while Sterling replied, “Aw, what?!”. Typically, the two contrast similarly in many ways, not just with cooperation.

Lena's iPod from Santa (Dec 2010)

Lena has changed a lot since coming home. She surprisingly used to abhor chocolate of any kind, now she loves it. She often voiced that she didn’t like any cereals (judging by the cereals I saw in Ukraine, I can’t say I blamed her; there were only a few appetizing müeslis among the lot), but she now enjoys Rice Krispies, Captain Crunch, Frosted Flakes, and certain granolas. “I don’t like American soups,” was a amusingly common phrase uttered early on, but clam chowder is now one of her favorites, despite an continuing aversion to all seafood. With the abundant food and her adoption of new tastes, Lena has gained about 20 pounds since arrival, five during the first two weeks alone! However, she still maintains a happy cuteness, despite quickly needing a second whole new wardrobe six months after getting her first closetful. Not entirely happy with the gain, Just Dance 2 for the Wii has become  a fun, healthy obsession since Christmas morning. Ugg boots, too, were high on her first Christmas list despite them being ironically “uggly” a few short months prior; she loves the knock-offs she got in her first-ever pile of Christmas gifts. (We’re still working on her insistence that there is no Santa Claus, though.) Last July, Lena hated the idea of the musical Utahan family insisting on her playing an instrument. Turning a full one-eighty, our completely tone-deaf adoptee has embraced yet struggled to progress with her self-elected violin, despite supposedly having taken lessons long ago in Ukraine, so she’s soon switching to her next choice: piano. Hurray for headphones!

Like anyone, Lena is far from perfect, but she has adapted into our family as well as can be expected. Lena is loving and respectful, although she and Sterling will bicker about petty things as any near-aged siblings will. She has picked up English very well, both aural and oral (obviously written English is still a work in progress) to the point that English is now her primary language. Despite how little I know, she’s even needed my help with a few Russian terms, and sometimes even with the Cyrillic alphabet! Lena has never had to be told to clean her room; occasionally a tornado will hit, but the room is usually impeccably neat an hour later. She does her chores every day, and completes her homework on time and as expected. She pouts, but there are no tantrums or severe battles about anything. (There are mild battles, of course, a normality in any household.) She will grumble about firing up Rosetta Stone at home to learn English, but she puts a lot of effort into it once she gets going. She can be just as annoying at times as any other teenager would be, which is normal, expected, and also somewhat reassuring that she is adapting well. So far the only things that make her full-on weep are math (often a huge challenge), certain green vegetables, grilled fish, getting shots at the doctor’s office, the felling of the Hometree in Avatar, and both the fourth and final episodes of the second season of the new Doctor Who series (which frankly still make me cry, too!) — and some episode of a now-unremembered television show in which the main character’s mother died, hitting a bit too close to home.

Lena is amazing, a joy, a blessing. We are fortunate and privileged to have brought her back home.

Lena has been busy!

Just 48 hours after Lena and I arrived back home in San Jose, another group of orphans from Ukraine arrived for a two-week “vacation”. Obviously, we are not in the position to host any of these kids since Lena is (and we all are) still adjusting to our new home life. Since Lena cannot attend school yet, this latest hosting program was a great opportunity for all of us because Lena could help out with the program and stay busy doing something worthwhile. [We're still getting Lena enrolled in my insurance which should be complete today. Doctors visits should be in next week or two to do a complete check-up, get immunizations needed for school, and help her with her existing health issues. Only then will the school system even look at her paperwork to enroll her in school. By then the 2009-2010 school year will be over.]

Lena and the two sisters feigning sleep on Lena's bed

Lena joined up with the kids in the hosting program on their first outing day and has been with them every day since. They’ve played at local parks, gone to the San Francisco Zoo and seen the Golden Gate bridge, went on hikes, and gone swimming.Today they’re planning on bowling and playing miniature golf, followed by more fun time at another local park and playground. Tomorrow it’s the Monterey Bay Aquarium. I’m so jealous!

Lena has enjoyed hanging out with the kids, partly because they are fellow Russian-speakers (although not from Mariupol as Lena was) but also because they’re just nice, sweet kids.

Sаsha at the barnyard in Rancho San Antonio park

Sаsha is nine years old, the only boy in the group of five children. He is almost always smiling and enjoying himself (even while being with just the girls), and he is comfortable relating to the adults in the group. We found out the first day during a craft session that Sаsha is quite the artist; he used bottle paints to create a beautiful rose on his backpack. He seems very easy-going and would probably do well in a family with other children or even as a single child.  He seemed self-confident enough to attempt speaking in English during the lesson on the first day, a confidence that Lena still struggles with sometimes when around new people. He is neat and has kept his lunch bag, beach clothes, and other possessions organized.

Lena and Nadiya being silly; Karyna feigning sleep, again

Karyna and Nadiya are the two sisters in the group, and both have spent several hours at our home playing with Lena.

Nadiya on the merry-go-round at Oak Meadow Park

The younger, eleven-year old Nadiya is active and enjoys playing outdoors for long periods. Each day that I dropped Lena off at the day camp where the kids have been gathering, Nadiya has been playing nonstop badminton with both the adults and the other children. Once she overcomes her initial shyness, she is quite playful, laughs spontaneously, and is generally a spark of life wherever she is. She has a fun sense of humor and enjoys engaging with adults, but she is also self-sufficient in play — when Lena and Nadiya’s older sister wanted to watch music videos on television, Nadiya contentedly ignored them both and played with other toys and with our cats in the next room.

Karyna working on art and crafts at the hosting day camp

Karyna is thirteen and a half years old, the older sister of the twosome. She is animated and frequently has a broad smile, but she maintains a quiet reserve that hints at some maturity; she is impressively poised and well-mannered. She responds to questions with confidence and I think she understands far more than she lets on, a common attribute among some of these children. Karyna is very polite and, although she has spoken English to me only rarely, her speech is surprisingly clear and has much less of an accent than I had expected. When we are all chatting as a group, I sometimes get the feeling that Karyna is studying me, very similar in aspect to Lena when she vacationed with us last year. Karyna didn’t seem at all interested in video games until Lena and Nadiya started archery on our Wii. Perhaps that will be a budding hobby!

Kateryna at day camp

Kateryna is a sweet 13-year-old girl who smiles easily and seems to be very much enjoying her visit here. She is happy participating in the group’s activities and especially likes spending her time engaging with Lena and Karyna.

Yuliya at the SF Zoo

Yuliya is the youngest girl in the group. She will turn nine in June, but she is small in stature for her age.  She has her opinions about how things should be and she is not shy about speaking her opinion (which is pretty amusing for such a small girl!). She likes doing quiet activities with her adult hosts rather than play videos or watch television. Like Karyna, Yuliya spent most of her outside time playing with the balls and badminton equipment during the first two days, she was out there with them the entire time throwing balls and swinging a racquet.  She has warmed up slowly to the adults at the day camp but her host family has seen her seeking closeness and contact during her time at home.  Yuliya has suffered some nerve damage on the right side of her face that leaves her right cheek limp. But even her half-smile is warm and beautiful, and it is flashed often.

Lena is already disappointed that the children are going back home to Ukraine on Sunday. If you are interested in meeting a child before they leave, email the AFOI program director, David Avilla, or phone him at 408-569-4044.